Are We All Just Another Doubting Thomas?
2025-06-16 13:11:01
Are We All Just Another Doubting Thomas?
Wrestling with Doubt, Delay, and Divine Silence
I sat in the middle of the hall, head bowed, hands trembling, and completely speechless. Tears streamed down my face—raw, unfiltered, and relentless. This was not what I expected. It wasn’t what I had hoped for.
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. My body began swaying gently, like it was trying to comfort itself. I wasn’t performing for anyone—I was grieving, aching, breaking.
I bet you are you're wondering what was going on… okay, okay, I’ll spill. I do love a little suspense and drama, but this? This was serious.
It was a regular midweek afternoon. I’d felt a strong urge to attend lunchtime prayers, so I did. I walked into church and started praying—what I believed were heaven-shaking, devil-binding, fire-falling kind of prayers. I was speaking in tongues with the confidence of a warrior, firing off scripture like spiritual arrows. I truly believed I was tearing down strongholds, claiming promises, and securing breakthroughs.
I had one mission: End this season of suffering and lack, once and for all.
The presence of the Holy Spirit was thick. If you’ve felt it before, you know—it’s like a glorious contradiction: weighty and light all at once. My spirit caught fire. I was clapping, pacing, shouting declarations that might have made me look a bit unhinged… but listen, if being called a mad woman for Christ is the price of power, hand me the receipt.
Because that day? I needed heaven to respond.
Have you ever had one of those moments? When you’re done playing polite Christian and instead you’re on the floor, fists clenched, declaring, “I’m not leaving, Lord, until You move!”
What do you think happened next? God answered my prayers? The crying was me taken aback by how magnificently he changed everything and now I was overwhelmed with joy?
Naturally, you’d be expecting me to say that the heavens cracked open, a mighty wind blew through the church, and God instantly answered every prayer. That I left dancing, shouting, and calling everyone to testify, right?
I wish.
What happened instead humbled me so deeply, I wanted to take back every fire-laced prayer I had prayed that afternoon.
Let me give you some context. I gave my life to Christ a few years ago. Since then, I’ve learned a lot about spiritual gifts and the weight of true discipleship. One of the gifts God gave me is the ability to see in the spirit—sometimes through dreams, other times through visions. I don’t say this to sound super-spiritual. I say it because it matters for what came next.
After I had prayed my heart out, I sat down, hoping to simply rest in God’s presence.
But Heaven had other plans.
I slipped into a vision. And what I saw? It shook me to my core.
In this vision, all my prayers had been answered. I had my dream job. My dream house. My dream family. The life I’d begged God for was right in front of me—and it was glorious. Until suddenly, it wasn’t.
Everything I had was under attack. My loved ones were afflicted. My world was collapsing. I was running around trying to save everyone, but I had no power. The pain was so intense, I could feel it in my chest. I wept uncontrollably. I was hugging myself, struggling to breathe.
All I could whisper was: Jesus.
And just like that, the vision ended.
I returned to reality, shaken, confused, and very, very quiet. I glanced around—most people were still deep in their own prayers. No one seemed to notice the internal earthquake I had just survived.
Then God spoke.
In the most loving, gentle way, He explained everything. And by the end of that conversation, I surrendered. Not just my prayers, but my entire plan.
He reminded me:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.” — Jeremiah 29:11
The vision wasn’t a denial of my dreams. It was a divine reminder.
Yes, God wanted to bless me. But He also needed me to understand something vital: what I was asking for required a stronger, wiser, spiritually mature version of me. If I received everything I was praying for in that moment—before I was ready—I would not be able to sustain it. I would mismanage it. And the cracks in my foundation would become open doors for the enemy to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10).
So, no. The delay wasn’t punishment. It was protection.
That day, I didn’t finish with more prayers. I just worshipped. Grateful that God is too wise to be rushed by my impatience.
Lately, though? My prayers have been laced with doubt.
God, if You wanted to bless me, wouldn’t You have done it by now?
But James 1:6 reminds us:
“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” — James 1:6
And trust me, I’ve been that wave. One minute full of faith, the next wondering if God forgot me.
You’d think, with the visions I’ve had and the encounters I’ve experienced, I’d be the last person to doubt. But before you judge me remember Elijah—after calling fire down from heaven and defeating 450 prophets of Baal—ran for his life when Jezebel threatened him (1 Kings 19). Sinking into depression and wanting to die, or John the Baptist, who literally baptized Jesus, still asked if Jesus was the one (Matthew 11:3).
And Thomas? Well, he’ll forever be known for doubting the resurrection (John 20:25).
So yes, faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains (Matthew 17:20). But doubt? It chips away at faith’s foundation until nothing feels certain anymore.
Today, I’m choosing to trust again. To believe that God’s strategy, timing, and process are far superior to my wish list. And if you're reading this and feeling weary too, I hope it reminded you that the Grand Master Planner is always working behind the scenes.
Before I close this here is a practical way to build up your faith. Who knows soon that mustard seed faith of yours can be the healing those around you have been waiting for. So I encourage you to take this seriously.
- Identify the source of your doubt. Write it all down without shame or filters.
- Understand that doubt often reveals more about you internally than it does about God. Ask Him to shift your perspective and brew some clarity.
- Work on your doubts one by one—and don’t let them define your view of God. Use scripture to rebuild your understanding of His true character.
- Pray through the process. Fast if needed. Don’t just wrestle—worship too.
I pray this post sparked something in you. Maybe a little conviction. Maybe a lot of comfort.
Either way I wish you healing, love, and restoration.
Until next time,
Shalom
PS: I offer one-on-one coaching sessions to unpack these lessons in a safe space. Spots are limited, so leave me a reply telling me what you need help with, and I’ll be in touch.
