FORGIVE YOURSELF. DON'T PERSONALIZE FAILURE

2025-06-03 21:25:12

Lesson 2: Don’t Personalize Failure — Forgive Yourself

If you haven’t caught my first post in this series, you might want to start here before diving back into this one — because failure and I? Well, let’s just say we’ve had a complicated relationship.

In that post, I barely scratched the surface of how deeply failure affected my mind and spirit. But here’s a little story that takes it deeper: I was having lunch with one of my girlies, and she had these gorgeous braids — the kind that make you do a double take. Now, keep in mind, I was super broke for the longest time. Broke to the point where the word “failure” felt like an endless echo in my mind.

So when she told me how much those braids cost, I couldn’t hide my shock. To me, they were expensive. Now, they probably weren’t really expensive, but after personalizing my failure — aka my financial struggles — everything that I used to afford easily suddenly seemed out of reach. Scarcity mindset is real, y’all.

And then, the look she gave me. The one that said, “Why do you think that’s expensive?” It threw me off because it made me realize just how deeply I’d internalized being broke as part of my identity.

Cue the familiar song of self-judgment — another reason to add to my growing list of self-hate.

But here’s the truth: Life doesn’t come with a blueprint. You will fail. Over and over. In school, in your career, relationships, choices — failure is a constant companion. But it’s not the end of the story.

The Healing Power of Forgiveness — Especially to Yourself

In one of my coaching sessions, I worked with a client who kept attracting the wrong men. We dug into why — and it all boiled down to self-worth. But here’s the kicker: Forgiving yourself from that place is tricky. Because you start asking, How did I let myself get treated that way? Why didn’t I leave? It’s a bitter pill, and attacking it from this angle doesn’t work.

So, we went deeper.

Turns out, her low self-worth traced back to childhood trauma — a silent wound she carried for years. Growing up in a toxic household, her version of love was all the wrong labels: avoidance, manipulation, selfishness, and noise. When she saw those traits in men, it no longer felt like a red flag — it felt like home.

And here’s the harsh truth: People can smell low self-worth a mile away, and once they do, you become easy prey — easy to manipulate, breadcrumb, and use.

Unpacking all of this took time and intentionality. What made it easier? Forgiving herself for not knowing any better.

So, Forgive Yourself!

Forgive yourself for the choices you made when you were desperate.
Forgive yourself for the people you hurt when you too were hurting.
Forgive yourself for settling, for giving up, for not knowing better.

Forgive yourself for the lies you told yourself, for the broken promises, for the times you didn’t show up for you.

Forgive yourself for letting others use you, for not taking that opportunity, for neglecting your health and body. Forgive yourself for all of it!

Where Shame and Guilt Camp Out — And How to Kick Them Out

There’s a dark corner inside where shame and guilt set up camp. And they bring their whole gang with them — addiction, anxiety, depression. They dim your inner light and live rent-free, slowly destroying your life piece by piece.

Healing isn’t a one-and-done. It’s layer by layer. Forgiving yourself is the foundation — tough, necessary, and transformative. When you do it, you become a new person. More peaceful. Happier.

Forgiving others gets a lot of airtime, but forgiving yourself? That’s an art. Here’s a simple step-by-step to start:

Understand why you made the choices you did.
Find the root of the problem. Chop it off — because if you don’t, it’ll grow back, maybe even worse. (Remember, this is spiritual warfare, too.)
Make a list of what’s in your control and what isn’t.
Change what you can control, and keep at it. Intentionality > perfection. Always.
Pray — yes, pray. I can’t stress this enough. God lights up the path like nothing else. Pray for healing, strength, and a renewed mind.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

Liberation Lives on the Other Side of Forgiveness

There’s a beautiful liberation when you stop living under your own harsh judgment. Life gets lighter, brighter, and richer. You start to slow down, breathe deeply, and actually smell the roses because you’ve rediscovered self-love.

The enemy? He wants to kill, steal, and destroy. His weapons? Shame and guilt. But you can disarm him — by forgiving yourself, extending grace, and refusing to personalize failure.

We learn from failure. We grow. We don’t set up camp in self-pity or self-loathing. Life is too short for that prison.

In fact, the enemy shows up with all his weapons — but he leaves empty because he was disarmed at the door.

I wish you love, light, and healing on your journey. Till next time — Shalom! ✨